Facebook Marketplace Arms Race

If you know me well, or at all, you know that I absolutely lurve a Facebook Marketplace or Kijiji troll. I love a good deal on an almost new item. Lately, my dopamine has been at an all time low, so I’m manufacturing it any way I can (read: I’m buying my happiness). 

The other thing you might know about me is that I love DIY projects. Especially if that project involves adding additional, functional storage to our house. 

A few weeks ago, while trolling the marketplace, I came across a listing for five, 93” tall Ikea wardrobes with mirrored doors for a very reasonable price. After some measuring and consultation with Drake, I messaged the seller about them. We agreed upon the price, and a date to pick them up. He offered to disassemble the wardrobes for us and I whole-heartedly agreed. 

Now, 93” tall wardrobes will not fit in the back of a Hyundai Santa Fe, so we rented a 9 foot moving van. We pull up to a house with a large front facing garage. Drake and I are both expecting the seller to open the garage and present us with 5 disassembled wardrobes. What actually happens, is the seller opens the door, leads us down a tight SPIRAL staircase through a basement that is absolutely jam packed full of furniture, to the tiniest gym room I have ever seen. Which is also absolutely packed full of equipment. There is roughly 12 inches of space between the wardrobe doors and a smith machine. The door to the gym room doesn’t open fully and the wardrobes are standing in all their glory; fully assembled and still mounted to the $%&#ing wall!!

When I told this story to my pals, several of them immediately asked me, “Did you renegotiate the price based on the lack of disassembly?” Funny you should ask. What an incredibly reasonable idea. Which of course is why neither Drake nor I thought of it. At this point, I’d already handed my envelope of cash over to the seller and our social anxiety considered the transaction complete. No take backsies. 

Instead we helped the seller (a man who is roughly the same age as Drake and I) remove the doors from all 5 wardrobes. We helped remove the shelves. We helped remove the bins. We helped unscrew the wall anchors. THEN DRAKE AND I CARRIED FIVE 93” x 13” x 22” IKEA WARDROBE FRAMES UP HIS STUPID SPIRAL STAIRCASE. All without marring his stupid curved walls. 

In any situation, I have planned and thought about all the various things that could happen (thanks anxiety!), as such I really cannot comprehend setting up a time for people to come to my house and not being ready for them to do the thing they are there for. But this man was truly ill prepared for us. Drake and I moved his glass table into the kitchen so we could make the corner while carrying the wardrobe without running into it. We pushed his couches out of the way of the stairs. We had him move the air conditioning unit from behind the door so it would open fully. Realistically, he should have paid us for our exceptional furniture removal services. 

All five wardrobes boxes JUST fit in the 9 foot moving van.  

This is what the van looked like once loaded

Drake and I were absolutely wiped when we got home. So, we unloaded the wardrobes into the garage and returned the moving van. Getting them into our house was a problem for future us. 

Fortunately, getting the wardrobes from the van into our house was much less of a chore. The staircase to our basement is wide and fairly open. It also helps that the drywall isn’t finished, so if we bashed into the wall, it wasn't a big deal. Just so you know, moving five wardrobes out of a basement with a curved staircase Saturday, then turning around and moving five wardrobes down a square staircase Sunday, is a zero of five stars chore. Even though we had more space to maneuver in our house, we were still exhausted from the day before. This is why Drake and I lift weights so often. For shit like this (and so we can get ourselves off the toilet when we're 90).

Of course, when we got the wardrobes into the basement, we realized that our floor is not particularly level. Thank goodness for my brother-in-law, Drew, who is always down for a quick house project when he’s in town. He cut out a chunk of the plank floor I’d installed (we’ll remove the rest at a later date, when we expand the basement gym). He built a level base for the wardrobes to stand on, and anchored them to the basement wall and ceiling.

Anytime I do house projects with Drew, he’s the mastermind and I’m the gopher. I run to the garage for tools. I cut 2x4s with the chop saw. I cut pieces of plywood with the circular saw. Drew is contractor, and an amazing home renovation partner. He’s patient when I need him to show me how to do things even if I ask the same thing multiple times. And he never makes me feel like an idiot, even when my “designs” are outrageous or I’m harping at him to be careful not to dent/ding the paint on the walls. 

While, Drew and I worked, Drake was sourcing materials for our other house project. Renovations are not really his thing. That being said, he is excellent at demolition. He can rip tiles out of a bathroom like no one’s business. But when it comes to installation, he’d prefer not to. Instead, he makes trips to Home Depot and the Eco Station as needed, and keeps us fed and hydrated.

Anyways: Here's the (mostly) finished version. I'll add trim to the bottom when I do the baseboards in the rest of the basement.

Wishing you happiness and whimsy in whatever form you find it!

Laura